Booooo - Spotted Pig
Dear Hostess at the Spotted Pig,
You are my new archenemy. Do you remember me from last night? I was there with my brother and my mom? You said it would be a 45 minute wait. We sat at the bar. We had a beer (or two). We checked in with you an hour later, and you told us it would be another two hours. TWO MORE HOURS!
We reminded you politely that you had initially suggested a 45 minute wait. You denied it vehemently. You pointed to some people in the corner of the bar and claimed that they arrived at 5:30. But you said 45 minutes, and now you were saying two more hours, for a total of three hours? Is that what you were saying? And you were also saying that you had never said 45 minutes in the first instance, but rather had said two hours and perhaps we misheard you. Because sometimes 45 minutes sounds just like two hours if you’re mumbling or, um, if your head is up your ass while you’re speaking, or something like that.
We were sitting seven feet away from you at the bar. Would it have been so hard to mention to us that there had been some cataclysmic change of plan and that we had best eat those Tic Tacs in our purses to stave off the gnawing hunger, cause it was going to be a while? Did you think we would just be, like, ok with this? That we wouldn’t notice that you were lying through your teeth and you had somehow screwed up royally on your little list of people waiting for tables?
Your food is good (especially those tasty little gnudi), but not THAT good.
Also, your ass looked huge in that peasant skirt. Just thought you’d like to know.
Sincerely,
Your New Nemesis, the Raisinhater
You are my new archenemy. Do you remember me from last night? I was there with my brother and my mom? You said it would be a 45 minute wait. We sat at the bar. We had a beer (or two). We checked in with you an hour later, and you told us it would be another two hours. TWO MORE HOURS!
We reminded you politely that you had initially suggested a 45 minute wait. You denied it vehemently. You pointed to some people in the corner of the bar and claimed that they arrived at 5:30. But you said 45 minutes, and now you were saying two more hours, for a total of three hours? Is that what you were saying? And you were also saying that you had never said 45 minutes in the first instance, but rather had said two hours and perhaps we misheard you. Because sometimes 45 minutes sounds just like two hours if you’re mumbling or, um, if your head is up your ass while you’re speaking, or something like that.
We were sitting seven feet away from you at the bar. Would it have been so hard to mention to us that there had been some cataclysmic change of plan and that we had best eat those Tic Tacs in our purses to stave off the gnawing hunger, cause it was going to be a while? Did you think we would just be, like, ok with this? That we wouldn’t notice that you were lying through your teeth and you had somehow screwed up royally on your little list of people waiting for tables?
Your food is good (especially those tasty little gnudi), but not THAT good.
Also, your ass looked huge in that peasant skirt. Just thought you’d like to know.
Sincerely,
Your New Nemesis, the Raisinhater
posted by MeBeth at
2:56 PM
6 Comments:
That is a beautiful post.
I often have some portion of something like that running around in my head.
So, did you get to eat?
I now hate the Spotted Pig hostess too! How stoopid - big diff between 45 minutes and 3 HOURS!
Dork-hostess.....
Hmmm...I'm supposed to meet 2 friends on saturday at the Spotted Pig. I'll make sure she knows about her skirt--it's likely the only thing she cares about.
Oh my god Mebeth, are you kidding me? I have so wanted to go there and after reading this think I will be avoiding it!! Holy crap! So glad you shared this miserable experience with us...and peasant skirt? That is sooooo last season:) heehee!
Probably the best thing to do would've been to wait the entire two hours, but just keep on drinking, and once they finally seated you, you shouldathrown up all that liquor on her little hostess shoes. She'd probably think twice about forcing people to sit at the bar for three hours after that.
No food is worth three hours - ridiculous... hope you were fed something yummy elsewhere...
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