Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Pity Party

There’s nothing like being greeted first thing in the morning by a great big dead roach on the bathroom floor. I normally consider myself a pretty tough cookie, so why does a little (well, smaller than me) bug provoke me to fits of sweating and squealing and gagging? Why do I need 14 paper towels to pick it up? Why must I first toss experimental paper towel bits at it to prove that it is really dead? Why must leap and shout obscenities while conveying the paper towel wrapped carcass to the trash? (Sorry neighbors.)

Since I’m already feeling really sorry for myself, I share with you one of my most pathetic recent dining experiences. I traveled to a small town – when I arrived, all of the restaurants were closed. Here was my dinner the first night…

Yes, that is Taco Bell. I ate it at the table in my stinky and damp hotel room. Fortunately I had the sense to bring wine. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the sense to save some. The next night was even worse. A series of meetings and events conspired to thwart my dinner plans a second time.

Dinner #2

Orange Fanta and Cheetos from a vending machine in the hotel lobby. It’s a wonder my skin didn’t break out in orange hives immediately.

Poor me. As you can tell by this post, today I feel like a miserable orphan in a Dickens novel. This morning is clearly some kind of karmic retribution for yesterday’s lovely morning, when I rode in an elevator with George Clooney. (At least he REALLY looked like George Clooney, and he was wearing sunglasses indoors. Who does that?) It took all my strength to refrain from licking his arm, and I may have drooled on my shirt a little bit.


Blogger Ashley said...

I would have given you 5 million dollars if it had been George Clooney and you asked him to pose with your sock.

Re:the roaches, I recommend getting a dog. Bailey totally earned her keep in TX (the south--it's just plain roachy) by enthusiastically hunting them for me.

10:21 AM  
Blogger s'kat said...

Here in the 'blues, it's getting to be 'Water Bug' season again. At least, that's what my husband calls them, possibly to keep me from freaking out more than I already do. If I can't convince a cat to eat it, I go get DucCat to flush them away.

Dinner number one- not too bad, it could've been much worse!

Dinner number two- Ugh. Much worse.

Clooney? You should have 'dropped' something in front of him. He would of course be a perfect gentleman, and bend over to pick it up for you. ;)

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmm...mmm...i have a secret weakness for Taco Bell Meximelts!!

11:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! I can relate to the 14 sheets of papertowel to pick up a dead roach... I'm sure it was George. ;-)

Good luck with your next dinners!


1:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my. You have my pity. The wine in the styrofoam Ramada cup is too funny - I would have skipped the cup and just drank from the bottle. And then found a place that delivers alcohol. Haha :)

9:27 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

that is hilarious.
love that story, though i wouldn't love it if i happened to run into a roach. ugh!
our apt had a bad case of ants recently. they were taking over a small plant in our living room -ewww gross!

5:50 PM  
Blogger melissa said...

Dinner #2 was a college staple for me, except the cheetos bag was much bigger. Orange fingernails are NOT sexy. Never. Trust me on this.

11:37 AM  

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