Saturday, October 15, 2005

Raisinhater's Favorite Sausage

Today is Saturday, so I get to share one of my favorite foods.

But first, Ancient Noodles!

The food of the day is Hans’ All Natural Jalapeno & Cheddar Cheese Smoked Pork Sausage.

These are available at Whole Foods, if you are lucky. I can not find them anywhere else, and was not able to order them on the internet. But not in Chelsea. If you are looking for them please don’t bother going to the Whole Foods in Chelsea because they’re just not there, nope, no siree. None there for you.

I’m not sure how I first discovered these tasty treats; I suspect I stumbled across them when I was buying some boring healthy chicken sausage in Whole Foods. As with most of my favorite items, I was instantly hooked. J and I blithely enjoyed the sausages for a year or so, and one week we noticed that they were on sale. We stocked up zealously.

The next week they were gone.

I assumed that other sausage lovers had simply stocked up as well, creating a temporary shortage, but upon further investigation (and some tearful interrogation of the guy behind the meat counter) we learned that Hans’ was no longer supplying these sausages to Whole Foods, and there was no telling how long the drought would last! Repeated requests did nothing to provoke Whole Foods to restock. Beseeching emails to Hans’ were not fruitful. Dire measures were necessary.

I called Mom Raisinhater in a panic and urged her to run, not walk, to her local Whole Foods and stock up immediately on any sausages she could find. Ten packs later, she slunk out of the store.

Our needs were temporarily filled, but what about a long range plan?? On Mom Raisinhater’s next trip to Whole Foods she called me from the sausage section cheerfully, “they’re on sale!” I explained that this was not simply a happy sausage windfall but a harbinger of doom, the first horseperson of the sausage apocalypse. She bought them all (only 12 more packs!) and froze them. They subsequently disappeared from her store.

We worried, we fretted, I went to every Whole Foods in the city. Nothing. All summer we rationed our sausage intake to preserve our dwindling supply. We couldn't keep it up much longer, a cold, sausageless winter was coming.

Fortunately, this tragic tale has a happy ending. This September, our local Whole Foods (but not the one in Chelsea, noo, they still don’t have any and don’t go buy them up) began stocking the sausages again. At first, I bought the entire stock. Over the past month, I have become quite complacent, buying only 3 packs at a time. Writing this has made me realize the risk I’m taking, and tomorrow I will likely head over and buy up the whole stock, especially because we have a little extra room in the freezer.

Here is my suggested method of preparation. Put a little butter and a little olive oil in a pan on medium. (Note that J disagrees, he thinks the olive oil adds a suspicious “healthy” taste and should be eliminated, but it does cut down on the smoke.)

When melted/hot, add the sausages. Turn them often so that all sides are browned. Don't try to grill them; they need to cook in butter to get the crispy brown exterior. And they'll give your apartment a delicious sausagey smell for the rest of the day.

Serve them with tater tots and salad.

Yep, tater tots. Even if you remember them as a creepy and soggy high school side dish, give them another try. The Whole Foods 365 brand is the best, but Ore Ida will do just fine in a pinch. Overcook them till they're very crispy. They are a perfect companion to these spicy cheesy sausages.



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